- Asking your crush questions about their family and preferences reveals a lot about compatibility.
- For example, asking about their pet peeves can help you know if something you do is a dealbreaker.
- You can also ask what their love language is to gain insight into how they want to be treated.
- Visit Insider's Health Reference library for more advice.
So you have a crush on someone. But you're not sure what type of romantic partner they could be.
Here are nine questions to break the ice that also offer key details about your crush and what it might be like to date them.
1. What's your favorite type of food?
This is an easy starter question to open up a conversation with your crush. It may just act as an icebreaker, but it can also indicate your compatibility.
For example, your crush might follow a specific lifestyle like being vegan and not wanting meat in their household. If your ideal dinner is a nice juicy steak, then you may want to reconsider a relationship with that person.
Food can also be a good way to transition into talking about deeper subjects like your culture, family gatherings, and religious beliefs.
2. What do you like to do in your free time?
Finding out your crush's hobbies can tell you more about them — and you may even find out that you like to do the same things. If you do have similar interests, then you can suggest doing them together to get to know each other better.
Keep in mind that you don't need to like all the same activities to have a good relationship. "Having major differences in hobbies and interests shouldn't be a deal-breaker," says Kassandra Heap, MC, a registered psychologist in private practice who specializes in relationships.
However, having extreme differences in your interests can be a point of future conflict, Heap says. Heap recommends looking out for differences like:
- Do they love to get up at the crack of dawn for a hike on their weekends and you prefer to have a slow Saturday morning in bed?
- Do they have a solo hobby that takes a lot of time and energy and you prefer to spend more time together than apart?
3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
"There are very few true deal breakers in relationships and navigating where to live can be one of them," Heap says.
You may not always know where you want to settle down at the beginning of a relationship. But if your crush definitely wants to live in a big city, and you love a quiet, rural life, finding out early might save you a lot of heartache down the road.
4. Do you prefer hanging out with big groups of people or being with friends one-on-one?
Knowing whether your crush is an introvert or extrovert will help you understand how your potential partner wants to spend their time, which can help you gain better insight into who they are as a person.
"Introverts tend to need more alone time after being around people. Extroverts tend to recharge through social interaction and need less alone time," says Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice.
While they say that opposites attract, don't worry if both of you tend to be more extroverted (or introverted). "If you communicate well about how much alone time you need and you remain honest about your capacity, then you will fare well in the relationship together," Brown says.
The research agrees — a 2021 study found that having similar or different levels of extroversion didn't change whether couples felt supported by their partners.
5. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Knowing your crush's biggest pet peeve can offer helpful information about their boundaries and deeper insight into their personality.
"Understanding where their boundaries exist can help us to not cross them unknowingly," Brown says. For example, if your crush tells you they hate talking on the phone, you can stick to texting or meeting up in person.
You may also need to ask yourself if their pet peeve is compatible with your lifestyle. "For instance, their biggest pet peeve might be people with cats. Would you part with your furry pal for the relationship? Probably not. So it's good to know up front what their buttons are," Brown says.
6. Are you close to your family?
"Your crush's relationship with their family can give you a look into how they have come to understand how relationships work," Heap says.
For example, a 2018 study found that young adults who experienced mostly harmonious, cohesive families were more likely to have healthy romantic relationships down the line.
Heap advises that you can look out for indicators like:
- Are they overly dependent and deeply involved in their family's lives?
- Is there too much separation and lack of emotional connection?
However, just because someone doesn't have a good relationship with their family doesn't necessarily mean that they won't make a good partner — asking about their family is just a good way to understand them more.
7. How did your last relationship end?
"How they talk about and reflect on their last relationship says a lot about their readiness for a relationship with a new person," Brown says.
Judging by your crush's answer, you can consider:
- Do they hold themselves self-accountable?
- Can they talk about what they learned?
- Are they only blaming the other person?
"We know someone is ready for new love when they are able to take accountability for how they show up in relationships," Brown says.
If they only blame their ex and speak badly about the relationship, they may repeat past mistakes with you, says Brown.
8. What's your love language?
If you think your crush is also into you, it may not be too forward to ask about their love language. A person's love language indicates how they like to give and receive love, including categories like quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch.
However, you don't need to have the same love language as your partner to have a good relationship. "The goal of learning love languages should be to open the conversation and make way for talking about needs and wants in relationships," Brown says.
Once you know more about what your partner likes, you can improve any relationship. A 2015 study of both straight and gay couples found that people felt greater love and relationship satisfaction when their partners used their preferred love language.
9. Is there anything you want to know about me?
This question is a good way to let your crush know that you're willing to open up and share as well.
You may also learn something about your crush from the questions they ask, like what is important to them in life or in a relationship.
If your crush doesn't seem curious about you, this can be another important sign — they may not be interested in a relationship or they tend to be self-centered.
Insider's takeaway
Having open and honest conversations are a great way to start a relationship or see if someone is right for you. Asking questions about your crush's love language, social life, and interests can be an important test of your compatibility.
"Enjoy every moment of the exploration and don't be afraid to go deeper and deeper with your questions while allowing your crush to do the same," Brown says.